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Can the Pros do it better than You? Online dating or Professional Matchmaker

How many of your friend couples met via online dating? Remember the days when they were embarrassed to tell others they met on Plenty Of Fish, Match.com, Yahoo personals, EHarmony?

The days of being sheepish over meeting online are largely over. But the challenge of finding “the one” remains.

Several studies show varied results about whether online daters are more or less picky when it comes to selecting who they actually go on dates with. Several factors such as age, gender and education level all seem to play into if a person will veer away from their predetermined  checklist of must haves before  taking the next step.

The norms of online dating bring new challenges. Professional matchmaker, Julie Clitheroe, from Magnetix Matchmaking doesn’t feel online dating causes people to lower their standards. In fact she thinks the opposite is true. “People online are picky, they dismiss someone based on the picture they have posted, and many never read the profile write up. Those they do talk with end up being short lived because someone perceived to be better comes along that gets their attention.”

In addition to selection criteria, dating sites can basically eliminate the chances of you meeting someone not like you, but potentially well suited for you. Huffington Post author Susie Lee agrees in her article, The History of Online Dating From 1695 to Now, “By 2010, different dating sites existed for virtually every city, sexual orientation, religion, race and almost every hobby, making it easier to find exactly what we’re looking for and harder to stumble on someone who exists outside our pre-defined bubbles of identity.”

Being set up by friends never seems to work either. So unless you’re steadfast on believing your serendipitous moment will happen, is there anything else can you do to find that special someone? Yes, the answer may be in professional matchmaking services.

When asked why her services are different than someone finding a match online, Clitheroe explains, “Matchmaking and online dating are completely different. Matchmaking is a guided and interactive process, where online dating sites are completely self-serve. With online, there is no one verifying the information put online. There is no one helping through the process, and no one to give feedback to post date, or support through the early stages of a relationship.”

She adds, “There are some fantastic people online. But unless you have the time and a thick skin, most people have negative experiences using online dating sites.”

Before you throw this baby out with the bathwater, just remember online dating was often scoffed at too. So instead of paying for your own second guesses, you might want to consider paying a professional matchmaker.

Julie explains her services this way, “A matchmaker does the work behind the scenes to find the best match based on what you are looking for… You show up and enjoy a fun date with someone you’re compatible with.”

How does it work? Matchmaking takes both clients into account when seeking partnerships.

What are the benefits? Who does the service benefit? Read the lists below using the Magnetix Matchmaking system:

Benefits of hiring a matchmaking –

 

• Personal one on one interview.
• Matches are pre-screened for compatibility.
• Background check including a criminal record check.
• Follow up before and after the date.
• Help getting to a second, third date and more.
• You don’t waste time meeting someone who lied about their age, activities, picture etc

Who would Hire a matchmaker?

• Busy people who are looking for a meaningful connection.
• People not interested in online.
• Someone looking for privacy.
• Someone looking for professional help.
• People who understand the value of hiring a professional.

I’d like to thank Julie Clitheroe for her insight with this blog post. Magnetix Matchmaking is located in Canada with offices in British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan. There are certified professional matchmakers around the world.

For more details on our products and services, please feel free to visit us at need someone to talk to, finding a good counselor, relationship help, relationship counselor & need a counselor

The ZONE Part – I

Russell Westbrook of the NBA’s Oklahoma City Thunder is wrapping up a season for the ages — possibly the best individual season, statistically speaking, in league history.  He is seemingly playing at a different level than the competition … and frequently enters what sports fans characterize as “the zone.”

 

The Zone can be a somewhat elusive concept – you know it when you see it.  It’s basically a mental state where you have so much confidence that failure is not possible.  This powerful condition overtakes everything in its path, momentum churns and a positive feedback loop ensues.

 

Athletes, performers, creative people and competitors of all stripes have experienced elements of this phenomena at some point.  You feel so positive and optimistic about what you’re doing, all self doubt falls away,  success becomes certain — it’s raw power unleashed.

 

There are a multitude of variables associated with peak performance and achievement — but at the very core of any success story you will find someone who had the proper mindset to accomplish what they set out to do.  One step beyond their mindset is their mood, or state of being — their mental condition.

 

What I’m saying is that the fundamental basis for achieving our goals, realizing success and performing at a peak level will be determined by the mood, or state we are in.

 

Ever notice how much easier life is when you’re in a good mood … and conversely how difficult things are when our mood is off?

 

Change your mood and you change your outlook — change your outlook and you begin to create the mindset you need to achieve your goals — follow me here?

 

How to find the Zone.

If you find yourself operating from a mood that is less than optimal, there are three things I want you to consider.

 

1.)  Are you getting enough rest?

2.)  Are you eating enough food/the right food?

3.)  Are you moving enough/getting quality exercise?

 

Individually or collectively, being aware of your status within these three areas will have a huge impact on your mood and subsequently your quality of life.

 

There is no question that my best days are a product of a balanced approach where my rest is adequate, my nutrition is sufficient and my movement is decent.

 

Those bad days?  Yea those are usually the ones driven by lack of sleep, too few calories and being overly sedentary.

 

There is such a trickle down impact for us when we talk about the impact these three areas have on our lives.  You want to change something?  You want to feel better?  Focus on improving in one or each of these and I promise you will be better.

 

In a few weeks Russell Westbrook will speak at his press conference after he is named the NBA’s MVP.  A reporter might ask him how he managed to find the zone so consistently this season.  He probably won’t discuss his adherence to the three areas I mentioned — but rest assured — his incredible success is a product of paying closer attention to those areas than anything else he does.  The good days don’t lie.

 

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Is Your Partner Manipulating You Part – I

Before you call me a hypocrite, I am no expert  (see my last blog post), however, if there was one subject I feel like I was nearly an expert on — like I was sort of expert”ish.”  It would be in the area of identifying manipulative people… more specifically – if your romantic  partner is a manipulator.

Here are some behavioral characteristics of manipulative people that might give you pause. 

1.)  It’s Always Your Fault. 

Without fail — something happened, words were exchanged, an argument was had.  They cheated, they didn’t follow through, whatever the unpleasant situation — it was because of you.  You made them do it — it was your fault. 

They repeatedly demonstrate a complete inability to own anything that is wrong.   Introspective they are not.

The magic of the manipulator is his/her ability to get you to believe it actually IS your fault.  If only you had done this, or done that for them. The head games are  pervasive — it shatters your confidence and leaves you alone in your self doubt.  

2.)  They’re Dishonest — in a Cunning Sort of Way.

At the end of the day, manipulators are deeply insecure people with low self esteems.  But they are often quite shrewd while practicing their craft.  They know how to get what they want.  They’re control freaks.  They will use people and go out of their way to create false impressions about who they are and what they’re doing.   The outside world will often know a very different version of this person than you do — like a chameleon. 

3.)  Emotionally Abusive

The person you fell in love with?   That’s not really them.  That person was a product of their imagination used to lure you in.  Oh sure they can go back to that “person” when they need something from you or when it serves their interests, but the sweet, loving, kind, caring person was just a clever ruse.  Now you’re at their mercy.  They will make you feel awful most of the time because they feel awful.  You will have a front seat ride on their roller coaster.  Getting off the ride can feel impossible — they have you trapped  — and they know it. 

Still not sure if your lovebug is a manipulator, or maybe you need help escaping from your manipulator — i’m still no expert – but I do know I can help.  

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VDAY – Make It Mean Something

Regardless of your relationship arc — new or old, fresh or stale — Valentine’s day can be a wonderful opportunity to (re)connect with your significant other and show them how important they are to you.

For newer couples, striking the right chord has the ability to accelerate and solidify the relationship.  A well thought out gift or experience together could be a game changer for your bond and emotional connection.

Seasoned couples tend to fall more into the trap of practicability and routine with their Valentine’s day experience — using a generic mix of cards, candy, flowers, etc.  — the opportunity for spontaneity and connection building will often pass them by.

This Valentine’s day should be about striving to create the most thoughtful, unique experience possible for your mate.  Doing so will be its own reward — you’ll be paid back 100x in terms of love and affection — trust me here.

Personally, I favor the highly customized — build it/draw it/make it yourself options.  Let’s say you’re a dude who is handy with some tools.  You’re dating a lovely lady with a little purse dog.  She dotes on this little creature almost as much as you … here’s an idea.

You take a picture of her little dog fluffy and find an artist (maybe you are the artist) who will draw a beautiful portrait of this dog.  Maybe you two are in the picture as well.  Then, how about you build a customized cherry wood frame to place the picture in.

Boom!  there you have it — art inside of art and you my friend — just made this lovely women’s V-day one she will never forget… ad some serious goodwill has just been created.

I’m on a roll now — here’s an idea for the ladies that is sure to impress their man and keep that love potion flowing like hot lava.

No doubt your man is a sports fan.  It can be a little obnoxious and overwhelming at times, but it’s mostly harmless and for the most part, you go along with it.  Baseball season is right around the corner, and if you’re like me you’ve been cooped up in the house all winter long with some raging cabin fever.

What a perfect opportunity then to plan a mini vaycay to AZ or FL to watch your man’s favorite MLB team go through the soft rigors of spring training.  Air fare is cheap and you won’t need to be there more than a few days to realize the maximum benefit.  Think about it, you’re together in the sun, watching his (your) favorite players up close and personal — it will be an unforgettable time together and you’ll both love it.

I am chock full of ideas — these are just two of the better ones.  Comment below and let’s start a conversation here or on any of my social media channels. Or send me an email talktojamesandrews@gmail.com. I’m always here to help.

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What Does Your Communication Incentivize Part – I

Want to understand how the economy works?  Start by looking at it through the prism of incentives.

 

Incentives are feedback mechanisms that provide information to someone.  They create reasons to do things – they shape how and why choices are made.

 

Higher prices incentivize more production.  Lower tariffs establish incentives for more trade — and so the theory goes.

 

Have you ever considered that your communication – the way you choose to talk (words + tone + body language) listen, respond, react – creates powerful incentives?  It’s absolutely so.

 

The way you choose to communicate with anyone will dictate how they feel about you.  The way you make them feel will determine your level connection, and the things they want to share with you – or not.

 

I get it all the time – James, how can I get through to someone better?  how can I get someone to open up and want to share with me?  How do I connect with someone on a more meaningful level?

 

The answer is simple.  Create better incentives with your communication.   Ask more questions – listen better – be open — make the person feel good about sharing, talking, being real.  Once you create these positive feelings in people, they will associate them with you.

 

Think about anyone in your life and the relationship you have  – positive or negative.   Your perception, the way you feel about them is primarily a function of how well you are able to communicate.

 

Just as an economy grows and thrives with the proper incentives  – so too will your communication. The outcome is better, stronger happier, closer, more meaningful relationships.

 

Eventually … The Dots Will Connect

The title of this post was a statement made by the late Steve Jobs.  Inherent in its meaning is that, in life – belief is a requirement,  things often make sense only in retrospect.

 

It’s human nature to experience frustration when we come up short on something we spend precious resources pursuing. We work so hard and when  things don’t happen for us the way it “should” the temptation to give up is alluring.

 

Experience has taught me that instead of giving  up, it is far more prudent to give in to the setback and let it guide you beyond your original purpose.

 

Whether it’s a relationship, or a business venture, or a class project.    Don’t be ruled by the perception of a setback.  Own it, Learn from it, grow from it, become better because of it — let it lead you to do more  — to be more.

 

Ultimately, persistence is rewarded and success happens because those earlier setbacks paved the way.

 

Operating from this perspective is fundamental to reaching your potential. This is the winning mindset, the mindset of a Steve Jobs and every other great achiever.   So keep going … and eventually the dots will connect.  You’ll see.

 

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Unlike politicians, I’m serious about wanting to help YOU.

This past Tuesday there was an election in the United States.  The aftermath is nearly impossible to escape.

Months of empty rhetoric, disingenuous outrage and insincere concern is finally going to give way to all the broken promises of an office seeker turning office holder.

We fully expect our political bettors to disappoint us.  We are at all times wary of a hidden agenda.  We are cynical of every word being read from their teleprompters … and for good reason.

But unfortunately, it seems that much of this skeptical cynicism, or cynical skepticism that was once the bastion of politics, has bled into virtually every corner of modern culture.   If you’re not thinking about the underlying motivation behind a particular cause you’re interested in, you probably should be.

Wherever you look something claiming to be one thing is really just serving the interests of another.   It’s sad, really.

Why is it so hard for politicians, agencies, corporations, religions, unions, charities, etc to do the right thing?  To be honest and upfront and not bamboozle us with stealth motivations or backroom deals.

Aren’t all the institutions I mentioned run by people?  Where is the integrity?

When my partners and I set out to do this project several months back I told them I had two criteria.  I want to help people, because i’m really good at it… and I wanted everything we did to be real.  As in authentic and genuine.

My motivation is to be available for you.  When it’s tough and you need someone to talk to and listen to your issues.  No false promises, no fake bluster.  Only real bluster here.

You’ll love me  — until then, Be well.

 

Saying I’m sorry is the first step. Then, how can I help?

 

Sometimes we forget really easy lessons. Whether you’re familiar with Daniel Tiger or his real life predecessor – Mr. Rogers – the lessons we learned in pre-school (or before school for those old enough to remember a world before pre-school) still hold true as you grow older.

Saying I’m sorry is the first step. It’s a step that  is extremely difficult for many people. It is also one that comes too easy for other people – those looking to avoid conflict.

How can you have the correct level of sorry where it is sincere and meaningful?

The answer is simple, add the second part of the Tiger’s example – “And how can I help.” If you are not willing to do this second part, then your apology was more an apology of convenience.

If you’re a person who can not muster the first part, then you most likely owe quite a few people an apology. Try it, I guarantee you’ll feel better and your friend approval ratings will soar.

You’re welcome. – James 😉

 

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What Is Talk to James Andrews?

Talk to James Andrews is a premium talk and chat service.  James provides emotional support and guidance for people facing everyday challenges.

With superior emotional intelligence and effective communication – James Andrews understands your issues, provides critical insights, and helps you move forward in a positive way.

Why?

why did i cross the threshold and decide to undertake this initiative?  very simply, because i know i can help you.

i’m not a phd, or someone who purports to have all the answers.  no, who i am is someone who has faced many of life’s most challenging issues and prospered in their wake.

My experiences in life have afforded me a unique ability to empathize and relate to others in a way that very few people can.  i have felt your pain and understand your perspective because i have very likely been right where you are.

I know what it’s like to feel alone and riddled with fear and anxiety … to feel completely stuck, where the hole you’re in only seems to grow bigger and deeper …  i know what it’s like to feel totally broken-hearted, full of regret or remorse, the pain and anguish so intense that it consumes your entire being … i know what it’s like to live with an overwhelming fear of the unknown — concern about the future, a career path, an uncertain relationship, a troubled family life… and on it goes …

we all have a unique journey and each of us will face our own issues along the way.  my desire in doing this is to convey the message that your struggles need not be yours alone.  whatever your issue, whether it’s more routine or something deeply complex, one of the best things you can do for your emotional health is find someone who will listen to you while you unburden yourself.  i am here to be that person for you.

come talk to me — i’m an exceptional listener with a deep reservoir of life experiences to help us connect … my greatest asset in life is being able to help other people sort through their issues … give me a call, i can help.

Growth through Pain

“Each bruise is a lesson. Each lesson makes us better.” SyrioForel, a Game of Thrones character.

I love this quote for its simple brilliance.  There are a million versions of it floating around and whenever I see one, i pause to consider it.

It’s never not true.

The problem, is appreciating it and being able to recognize its big picture implications when you’re in that period of suffering and setback.

When you’re in that moment, whether it’s an hour or a day or a year … and the pain grabs you like a boa constrictor trying to suck the air out of you.  There’s this feeling of hopelessness or despair — you’re overwhelmed and feel your world caving in.  Whatever you wanted or needed isn’t happening, despite your best efforts.

We’ve all been there at one point or another.

But eventually something happens, the suffering wanes and you move on from it – you’re probably better for the experience.

Things are always clearer after the fact and life seems easier when viewed from the rear view mirror.

Often times we’ll look back on a particularly challenging time in our lives and feel grateful things happened the way they did.  Maybe a relationship ended badly, but it paved the way for a new one.  Maybe you didn’t get that job you really wanted but you wound up with an even better one.

One of my pet sayings is “growth thru pain.”

It’s having the experience and knowledge to understand that life is always happening for us, not to us.  The pain we experience today becomes the joy we experience tomorrow.   I promise.

 

For more details on our products and services, please feel free to visit us at Need someone to talk to,life coach, need a counselor,need a therapist,finding a good counselor

 

Finding A Good Counselor

Can the Pros do it better than You? Online dating or Professional Matchmaker

How many of your friend couples met via online dating? Remember the days when they were embarrassed to tell others they met on Plenty Of Fish, Match.com, Yahoo personals, EHarmony?

The days of being sheepish over meeting online are largely over. But the challenge of finding “the one” remains.

Several studies show varied results about whether online daters are more or less picky when it comes to selecting who they actually go on dates with. Several factors such as age, gender and education level all seem to play into if a person will veer away from their predetermined  checklist of must haves before  taking the next step.

The norms of online dating bring new challenges. Professional matchmaker, Julie Clitheroe, from Magnetix Matchmaking doesn’t feel online dating causes people to lower their standards. In fact she thinks the opposite is true. “People online are picky, they dismiss someone based on the picture they have posted, and many never read the profile write up. Those they do talk with end up being short lived because someone perceived to be better comes along that gets their attention.”

In addition to selection criteria, dating sites can basically eliminate the chances of you meeting someone not like you, but potentially well suited for you. Huffington Post author Susie Lee agrees in her article, The History of Online Dating From 1695 to Now, “By 2010, different dating sites existed for virtually every city, sexual orientation, religion, race and almost every hobby, making it easier to find exactly what we’re looking for and harder to stumble on someone who exists outside our pre-defined bubbles of identity.”

Being set up by friends never seems to work either. So unless you’re steadfast on believing your serendipitous moment will happen, is there anything else can you do to find that special someone? Yes, the answer may be in professional matchmaking services.

When asked why her services are different than someone finding a match online, Clitheroe explains, “Matchmaking and online dating are completely different. Matchmaking is a guided and interactive process, where online dating sites are completely self-serve. With online, there is no one verifying the information put online. There is no one helping through the process, and no one to give feedback to post date, or support through the early stages of a relationship.”

She adds, “There are some fantastic people online. But unless you have the time and a thick skin, most people have negative experiences using online dating sites.”

For more details on our products and services, please feel free to visit us at relationship expert, finding a counselor, need someone to talk to, need a counselor&finding a good counselor

May TheLuck Of The Irish Be With You

Earn your luck – good or bad. Own your luck – bad or good. –ja

 

If it weren’t for bad luck i’d have no luck at all … or so the saying goes.  This statement is completely dis-empowering and a function of our perception more than anything.

 

It’s easy to dwell on the negative, to focus on circumstance as a means to justify our station in life.  Why we aren’t someplace we should be, or why we didn’t get something we wanted.

 

On the flip side of this, when I perceive that I am doing well — look at me I get things done!  How much of this success am I attributing to “luck?”  For most people, probably very little.

 

Here’s how it goes:  When things go my way, when my outcomes resemble my expectations — it’s because of me.  It is because of how smart I am, how hard I work, how much kale I consume, etc.  When things go against me, when I struggle, when my life falls short of what I expected — it’s somebody else’s fault.  It’s bad luck.  My parents were big boned, etc.

 

Our perception becomes reality, and the meaning we assign to things create those perceptions.   The quality of our life boils down to how we filter things and the choices we make in deciding how to interpret life as it unfolds.

 

Consider this the next time you face a set back, it’s not the end of you, it’s an opportunity to grow.  If you adopt this as your mindset I promise your life will improve in ways you can’t imagine.

 

Also — when you experience your next big win — take note to think about all the people who helped you get there. Consider all the random things that had to line up  for that to happen.  Gratitude and humility go a long way.

 

Happy St. Patty’s Day

Before you throw this baby out with the bathwater, just remember online dating was often scoffed at too. So instead of paying for your own second guesses, you might want to consider paying a professional matchmaker.

 

Julie explains her services this way, “A matchmaker does the work behind the scenes to find the best match based on what you are looking for… You show up and enjoy a fun date with someone you’re compatible with.”

 

How does it work? Matchmaking takes both clients into account when seeking partnerships.

 

For more details on our products and services, please feel free to visit us at need someone to talk to, finding a good counselor, relationship counselor, relationship help&need a counselor

Premium Talk And Chat Service

Talk to James Andrews is a premium talk and chat service.  James provides emotional support and guidance for people facing everyday challenges.

 

With superior emotional intelligence and effective communication – James Andrews understands your issues, provides critical insights, and helps you move forward in a positive way.

 

Is this really a thing?  YES, yes it is.

 

I am often compared to different people, but Thomas Edison is usually not one of them.  Yet here I was yesterday, enjoying a delicious slice of pumpkin pie when this little nugget appeared in my inbox.  The Vice article – This App is like Uber but for ‘Happy Givers’ – makes clear that Edison and I are indeed kindred spirits … at least in theory.

 

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, apparently the James Andrews you’ve come to know and love is on the cutting edge of a burgeoning movement to capture your hearts and minds.

 

The Vice article discusses the recently debuted Happy app, which connects people needing emotional comfort to listeners who will offer them support.  If it sounds familiar, that’s because it is.  Think 7cups marrying Uber.

 

People are seeking new and innovative ways to deal with their emotional frustrations.  Business is seeing this and responding – as shown in this CBS News story – What to Know Before you Try Online Therapy.

 

This is where I come in.  Admittedly, i’m a niche participant in this space, but i’m also a very important one.  I don’t possess the technological heft the others do, but I don’t need to.  Where the others promote a relatively generic service offering that seeks to commoditize the user/listener experience, I pursue relationships that are much more unique and personal.

 

In short, none of the others offer what I do.  They do not have my charisma, my intuition or my energy. They don’t have someone who will be accountable to you.  Someone who can guide you.Someone who truly cares about your emotional well being. Their desire for scale will always limit what they can do for you.

 

Take a leap of faith – skip over the new normal, mass mediated online help, and call me. I will be the same person each time you call. I will remember you and your issues. I will help you craft a personalized plan to achieve emotional well-being. I can help you stop burning the oil and turn on the switch for your brighter future

 

For more details on our products and services, please feel free to visit us at need someone to talk to, relationship counselor, relationship help, finding a good counselor&finding a therapist